My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Your penis caused this!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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