I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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