Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The air was thick with penises
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
