Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
