Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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