Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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