Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
