Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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