You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
