He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
