did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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