I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
