Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
