I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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