somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
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I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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