in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
