dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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