i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
