My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
