Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
