She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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