So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I want her autograph on my taint
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
