So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
