guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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