Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
