he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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