i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
