He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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