I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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