I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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