is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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