Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
