He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
