We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The Olympian is in my bed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
