We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
