Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
