take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize