i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
where are my pants?
in the oven.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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