I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
