Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
