there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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