'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
