considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
