Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
