Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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