hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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