Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
