if i can run in heels then i can drive
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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