I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
