a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
