he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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