Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
