Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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