we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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