I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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