fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have peed in a lot of sinks
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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