Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
