Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
