I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize