This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
