i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
