We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
