tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
