I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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