Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
