Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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