the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize