I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
