I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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