Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
