I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just tell him i said nine months
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
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mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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