I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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