the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
