I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
