You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
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Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
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Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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